“What do you want Sir?” the pawn shopkeeper startled me.
“Two Gold Flake, small one.” that was an effort.
He took out two cigarettes from the pack expertly and kept them along with the lighter on top of the jar full of green mint. I gave him a ten rupee note, took the cigarettes and the lighter, put one between the lips while dropped other in my chest pocket. The lighter also lighted only after 4-5 attempts.
I am not even able to light a lighter. What is my worth?
I took a deep first puff and dragged my feet towards the side of the shop.
“Sir! Your change.” the shopkeeper called.
“Oh! Sorry.” I took the two rupee coin placed on the same jar and pocketed it. My fingers touched my mobile.
Oh! It is still switched off.
I took out the mobile and pressed the on button and watched the mobile come to light in a few seconds and listened to the welcome tone which was so accustomed to my ears. I was just looking at the screen of my mobile, its blue glow, the wallpaper of seashore, and then slowly the light dimmed and faded. I again took a deep puff of my cigarette and looked at the building in front. It looked beautiful in the morning when I was entering it but now it looked ugly to me. The guards were having a good time joking with each other. I took out the next cigarette and lit it with the first one before taking the last puff from it. Dropped the butt on the ground and watched its glow, turn into a small trail of smoke. I didn’t feel like lifting my leg to crush it.
The girl was watching me intently for any clue on my face to get an idea on the outcome of my interview. I had ignored her and just moved out of the main door.
Nidhi had asked me to call back after the interview. What to call for? Where to now? Home! Where else.
I crushed the butt which was still giving out a very thin trail of smoke and started to walk. There were companies on both sides of the road.
None of these have a place for me?
I took the last puff of my remaining cigarette and threw the butt it in a pot hole with muddy water in it. It extinguished with a strange sound.
“You did your MBA from a renowned institute then what made you to join a small time consultancy?” Priya had asked.
“Did not get the placement from the institute and further did not get anything better.” I had given the same answer I don't know how many times.
“After that you didn’t get anything better for next six months?” the counter attack from Priya on my lame reply.
I wanted to say that it is people like you who have been rejecting me from last six months from whatever few opportunities I got but I had only said no with a forced smile. Are these people not aware as to how difficult is it for a fresher to get a break that they ask such pointing questions to humiliate? At the very thought of the whole interview my hand started trembling and my legs felt weak under my weight. I slowly reached the bus stop and sat down on the vacant bench.
“So what have you learnt in these past six months of your engagement with this consultancy?” Priya had asked looking at my Resume for the fourth time I guess.
“Recruitment.” my short and crisp answer.
“What exactly in recruitment?” she wanted to elaborate.
“How to search for candidates.” again a one liner from me.
“What search?” she got irritated.
“Candidate search.” I could not think of anything else.
“Means you just search for candidates? There must be some process?” she tried to control her irritation.
“Yes. We get the requirement from the client and search for the candidates.” again what I could think of the process to be.
“What search, you search just like that? Where do you search the candidates from?” she was enjoying now.
“From Naukri.com.” amused I gave the answer that I knew.
“Now explain me in detail how do you search the candidates on Naukri.com?” she had understood about my false experience. I felt immense heat, as if evaporation from my skin but the skin felt cold.
I gulped before starting. “I login into the Naukri.com site with the login id and password and search for the candidates for the given requirement.” I was as slow as possible giving a false impression of being elaborative.
Now she was smiling openly. I felt like running away.
My bus came. It took me an effort to get on the bus. The bus was almost empty in the afternoon. I just slumped into one of the vacant seats. I looked out of the window. There were cars vizzing past as the bus was waiting for more passengers to board. There was heavy traffic on the opposite side of the road and the traffic was moving slow. I was looking at the cars cruising along. Longer and bigger the car lesser the occupancy. Once I had told my friends that within two years of job I will buy a car.
Will I ever be able to..............?
Or will I ever do a job even?
“Ticket!” I turned and looked at the conductor. He was looking on the other side.
I took out a 100 Rupee note and just muttered “Fifteen”. He took the note in a flash, folded it horizontally and tucked it between two fingers. Took out the change and a fifteen rupee ticket and handed me in a flash. The bus had started to crawl in the meantime. The breeze was cool. Suddenly I felt a ping of hunger. I had not had anything since morning.
Suddenly, I heard my mobile ringing. I took it out and looked at the screen expecting Nidhi’s name to be flashing. It was Amit.
“Hello” I said in feeble voice.
“Interview done?” Amit asked from the other end.
“Yes” anybody could guess from my voice about the result of the interview.
“What did they ask? You are in the Bus?” he realized about the noise around.
“Yes. Will reach home in another one hour.” I gave him the required information.
“Ok. I will call you in the evening then we will talk comfortably. Bye.”
“Bye” I disconnected the call and kept my mobile in my left pocket and wondered as to why do we keep it generally in our left pocket?
Perhaps we also have our purse kept on the right side or maybe we talk on mobile from our left side. Whatever.
I gave my full face to the breeze coming in from the window.
“So you login into the naukri.com site and search for candidates. So as soon as you login you see the profiles of the candidates?” she was making fun of me now.
“No. We put the relevant keywords and then press the search button to see the profiles.” I tried to save my dignity.
“Good very good. What type of keywords do you put? Are there any more criteria?” she wanted to make a mockery of me.
“Yes. Criteria like years of experience, education etc. along with the keywords like the main skill sets that we are looking for.” I was doubtful of each and every answer of mine.
“So what types of searches do you do?” she was in no mood to excuse me.
“Candidate search.” my obvious answer.
“You didn’t get me. There are different types of searches on Naukri. What are all the types that you use?”
Where should I hide?
“Candidate search.” I had to say something.
“Candidate is what you search for but what are the different methods or types of searches you use to search the candidates?”
Please leave me. I will start crying.
“I j-just s-search candidates.” I swear I had no clue.
“Can you please shift?” I turned to see a middle aged man standing by my seat. I just shifted a little bit towards the window and he sat down. He was fat. He cramped me.
But thanks that he broke my thought sequence. I don’t want to remember. Isn’t there anything that can simply erase some portions of our memory? It is killing me. I am not able to forget her mocking smile. How have I still not cried? Did Rahul also face the same situation? And what about that girl? She must have been collecting the offer letter by now. I should try to think something else. Mmmm-may be Nidhi. What was the news she was talking about? How will I ever propose her if I don’t get a job? Oh! God. Am I asking something very big? It was so different on the day we passed out of our college. It felt as if world is waiting for us. But now it seems nobody needs me, I am so insignificant, all the knowledge, education is worthless. I feel like dying. I just don’t want to think anything.
“Search candidates, search candidates, search candidates. You don’t know anything other than search candidates? You don’t say anything other than search candidates? Haven’t you heard or seen about role search, advanced search, Boolean search, IT search etc?” she asked me angrily.
I just looked at her sheepishly. I swear Amit had not told me about these types of searches ever.
She felt pity on my situation and calmed down and said in motherly tone “I don’t understand whether you have ever worked or not or else you are joking with me. You academically look so brilliant but I fail to understand this situation. I don’t know further what should I ask or even say to you.”
I looked down at my shoes. I only wanted to just get out of here, far from her sight. I didn’t desire for anything else at that time. But there was a killing silence.
“It was nice meeting you Ravi.”
I looked up. She was already standing with her hands extended with very serious look on her face. I just stood up in a flash and very hesitantly just took her hand and released it without a shake. I wanted to say something but could not.
“Best of Luck.” She said as I was picking up my bag. I looked at her and just nodded and just walked out, out and out. I was trying not to run. I could feel my ears, red and hot, heat coming out from all over.
I could still feel her gaze on me. My ears were hot again. As I was nearing my bus stop, I made my way to the front door through all the rush in the bus. As I got down from the bus I wondered, what is the time?
Must be around 2 o’clock. What do I have to do with the time? Should I have lunch before heading home? No I don’t feel like. I don’t even deserve lunch if I can’t earn it.
I just dragged my feet towards my room through the narrow lanes of the colony. It was always a kind of a hush-hush in the lanes. They always kind of seem to be happy. Why not! They don’t have face interviews.
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