A Day in a Fresher's Life - III

.....contd. from A Day in a Fresher's Life - II 

“Best of Luck” Priya handed me the tiffin box. I was riding my bicycle to the examination hall when I saw the girl in the reception coming.

“We are late for the exam, let’s go.” She said.

As soon as she sat pillion on my scooter, I rode very fast but somehow it was not going as fast. I was paddling it furiously but still it was not going fast.

When I parked my motorbike, the girl was not there and Rahul was coming out.

“The exam has already started long back. You are very late.” He said.

I went inside and saw Nidhi on the door. As soon as she saw me she crossed her hand and said, “Why are you so late? The exam is already over. And where is your pant?”

I looked down. I was shocked. I forgot to wear my pants.

“Go run Ravi run!” Nidhi was shouting.

Why was she sounding like my mobile ring tone?

I opened my eyes. It was my mobile ringing under my pillow. I took it out from under the pillow. It was Nidhi. Rubbing my eyes I picked up the call and said, “Hello!”

“What has happened to you Ravi?” I don’t know whether she was irritated or pitying on me.

“Oh! I slept. Sorry.” It was automatic. I was still drowsy.

“What sorry? Do you know since when I am calling you? If you don’t want to talk then at least tell me, message me.” That sorry was not enough.

“No. Why are you thinking like that? I came back from the interview and I don’t remember when I fell asleep. I am very sorry.” Hope this works.

“You know very well that I get so worried when you don’t pick the call. However, how was the interview?” please don’t ask this question.

“She caught me about my false experience.” I did’nt want to explain.

“Means how? Did she say anything? How did you understand that you have been caught?” she wanted the whole story.

I narrated the whole conversation to her which I think, has embedded in my mind for ever.

“You had not prepared about the types of searches? You had no clue about those? I don’t know why do you think that whenever you prepare you flunk? No wonder Amit is your mentor and guide. Why don’t you tell your brother in law to help out? He is in a good position. He can certainly help.” Her lectures.

“No. I don’t feel like asking. Amit is only trying to help, it’s my drawback and I don’t think I will be able to lie from now onwards. I have lost all hopes that I will ever find a job. I will not lie in interviews from now onwards no matter what happens.” I tried to sound strong.

“Then who will give you the job. They will not even call you for the interview.” She was ironical.

“Let them. I will not lie from now onwards whether I get a job or not.” I really felt strong saying this.

“You are disturbed. Call me when you feel ok. My balance is also low. Bye” She remembered that it was her call.

“What was the news by the way?” I remembered.

“I will tell you when you’ll call.” Her tone was strange as if something mysterious. It’s her habit. She always tries to make me uneasy before disclosing anything even if it is about her new top she has bought. She loves it when I oblige her by begging her to disclose it.

I felt an intense pang of hunger but was finding it difficult to actually muster up strength to even stand. I took the half filled bottle of water besides my bed and gulped to the last drop. I realized that the last time I had water were the few sips in the reception. I was waiting with my mouth open for the last drops that were trickling down the bottle when my mobile again started singing in its tune.

It was Amit. I picked and said, “Ya Amit.”

“So whats up? Sleeping?” Amit was casual.

“Ya. Was sleeping but Nidhi woke me up.” I said.

“It’s good she called up. Did you have lunch?” he knew the answer.

“No. Didn’t feel like. I will have dinner early.” I tried to compensate.

“Hmm. Was the interview very bad?” he understood.

“Yes yaar. I felt like the earth should crack and embrace me. I have never felt so ashamed ever.” I just burst out.

“Where did you get stuck? What did they ask actually?” he was analytical.

“She got into the details of naukri.com website as to how do you search and what types of searches are there?” I told him as he was my mentor.

“Hmm. I forgot to tell you these details. Generally nobody asks this, but you never know, anything can strike to an interviewer.” He was still very casual about everything.

“But now I have decided that I will not tell lie from now onwards as I can’t stand such embarrassments.” But it was not at all casual for me because in general I rarely lie to anybody.

“I can understand buddy what you are going through but we don’t have any other way out. You will have to be immune to such things. Even the experienced people are blatantly rejected. Consider these interviews as your practice ground. Let them find your fault so that you rectify it for the next time. I or nobody can guess the mind of all the interviewers and no matter how much I prepare you still there may be something left out. Even I don’t know all the things. So these interviews are your practice grounds. Today you got stuck on the types of search and the process but do you think that next time they can? No. But next time they can catch you on maybe some other shortcoming. This will be ongoing until we make somebody fool. Com’on yaar there will be somebody.” there was truth in what he was saying.

“But till when? I am exhausted. I don’t have the strength to face anymore Priya’s.” But I was still not convinced.

“You are not exhausted with interviews or failures but you are exhausted with yourself, your aspirations, your dreams, and your expectations. These are burdens of life my dear friend and never ending and ever changing. You aspired to be a cricketer in childhood, and I aspired to be a pilot, an actor, even a train engine driver once. We are none of them. Are we sad and exhausted with our failures? No my dear friend. Then why are you sad and exhausted today? Today you want a job, then what? Is that enough? Will that be the end? No. So throw away this burden of aspirations and enjoy. Enjoy your failures.” His words were giving me some kind of an instant energy.

“But.......I think lets drop my false experience and I will be more confident during my interviews and let my fate decide.” the scene of the morning session had again made a round in my mind.

“Look Ravi, fate and luck are imaginary words my friend. Can you recognize or identify your luck? But you can identify, measure, and evaluate your effort. Hence, we should concentrate on those things that are tangible. If luck or fate is there then let it do its task and we should do ours. And if confidence is the concern then as I said throw away the burden of expectation and enjoy your failure, then see your confidence souring. Take for example, how did that HR.........Priya happened to catch you on the search thing? Because you were giving, short and precise answers to her questions? And why were you doing this? Because you were not confident of your own answers. You were afraid of being caught if you say something extra. Interviewers are never prepared and are blank while taking interviews and they just fish out subsequent questions from your answers. Hence, it is us, the interviewees who drive an interview.” All his words were making sense to me.

“Amit! I do understand whatever you are saying but you are aware that it becomes so difficult for me to tell a lie from the beginning and whatever be the case, the interviewers are no fools. They have experience of the work, they are educated and qualified and above all they are sitting on the decision making chair.” Somehow I was not convinced with the false experience and the lie.

“I know Ravi, today’s incidence has impacted you a lot. I am not forcing you. But I would like you to think over all the facts carefully, not emotionally but professionally and then decide. You know that due to this false experience you at least started getting calls for interviews otherwise what was the use of all your education and preparation if you don’t even get a stage to showcase. And as you are getting intimidated by the confidence of the interviewers, they will also get intimidated by your confidence. Don’t consider them to be a superman just because they have got a job and experience. They are human beings like us and they are always less prepared than the interviewee. I doubt if any of them even gives a careful look at the Resume before the interview. That half an hour of conversation is the key. It strikes them at that time and they decide instantly. Nobody records what you are saying during an interview. And what do you think, is it possible for anybody to remember all the conversation during all the interviews? The result of an interview doesn’t depend on your working capability but your convincing ability. And what will they take from you if they reject you? You are not in job and you will not be in job, nothing more. They can only give you something, can’t take anything from you so just relax and think over what all I have suggested with a cool mind.” This worked as an ice on my blisters.

“Thanks friend for your concern and help. I am feeling better now realizing the hard facts.” From the bottom of my heart.

“Com’on  yaar don’t be formal. Let’s meet up tomorrow evening at my place. Let us have a few mock interviews. That will help I suppose. And don’t you want to know about the types of candidate searches on Naukri.com?” he could only make a joke of it.

“Ha ha! Candidate search! Priya got pissed of this word. She will commit suicide if she again hears it.” I could not believe I was joking about it.

“Ha Ha! Good to see you relaxed. Go and have your dinner.” He sounded happy and content.

“Yes! Suddenly I am feeling like I will die of hunger. Bye” There was an intense pang of hunger in my stomach.

“Ok. Bye.” He disconnected.

His words had given me some kind of instant energy. I sprang from my bed and in no time I was on the way to the nearest mess for something to eat. It was early for dinner but now I felt that I will not live any longer if I don’t eat.

There was no customer in the mess and they were preparing for the dinner. I ordered “aloo paratha” which took some time to come on my table but looked delicious. I just attacked them but generally we are not able to eat much when we are hungrier. I was done in only three parathas. I smiled and greeted the mess in charge while paying and thought of taking a stroll in the nearby market. All my gloominess was gone. The way of looking at things changes the whole scenario. I saw a really beautiful girl coming. She was looking hot. I was staring at her continuously but as she came closer and glanced in my direction I blushed and lowered my eyes. Suddenly Nidhi’s smiling face flashed in my mind.

Should I propose her today? Na. I should get through an interview at least before doing that. What was her news by the way. It must be some silly thing. Let’s find out.

I took out my mobile and rang her. She picked the call without even ringing as if she was sitting on the phone.

“Hello!” there was a peculiar excitement in her voice.

“Ya! Seems the news is a very good one. You sound elated.” I tried to figure out the reason for her excitement.

“Oh! It’s you. Are you somewhere out?” she was expecting someone else.

“Yes. Had early dinner. Were you expecting someone else? Didn’t you see my name?” I was curious.

“No. I just picked up. Ya! I was expecting somebody’s call. You tell, why early dinner? Must not have had lunch?” she knew the answer.

“Hmm. Who was supposed to call?”  it was pinching me.

“Why do you neglect your health? Will you get a job by not eating? Do you realize, how do you look like these days? A skeleton. There is no glow on the face. Your health is deteriorating day by day but you never listen to me.” She can do this best.

“What was the news?” I tried to change the topic.

“First promise me that you will take good care of yourself from now onwards and will also have breakfast other than lunch and dinner. I will not be there always to teach you all this.” This made my heart melt.

You will always be there with me my darling. I will do anything to keep you happy. I know you are waiting for the day.

“Ok. I promise. Now tell me the news.” I tried to hide my feelings.

“I am engaged.” There was a giggle that followed. I thought whether I heard it right.

“En..gaged! with whom?” I don’t know why I asked this.

“Obviously! With a boy stupid.” I had heard it right and she sounded excited about it. Suddenly, I felt a blankness, then as if something pierced through my heart and brought me to my senses and my throat choked.

“What happened, you are not happy?” she sensed the elongated silence from my side.

“No. I mean to say it’s so sudden that.....it is good. Congratulations.” I regained my consciousness.

“You don’t sound happy Ravi?” Then why are you asking?

“No no. It’s just that I wasn’t expecting. Actually I am shocked.” I had to express my feelings.

“Why shocked? You were expecting something else?” she was sensing my concern.

“No. I was not expecting anything else but I didn’t expect this either. No issues yaar. Congratulations once again.” I tried to justify my shock.

“Tell me one thing Ravi. Truth?” she was on a mission.

“Yes. Ask. What is it?” I tried to sound normal but I was afraid to death.

“Do you love me?” she was direct unlike me. My heartbeat started racing like Ferrari and I felt like it will come out of my mouth if I open it.

“No.” only this came out.

“Answer me properly.” She was obviously not content with my answer.

“No yaar. What are you saying? It is true that you are very close to me, in fact my best friend and may be I realized that you will not be around, that’s why. It is not like that, the way you are thinking fool.” Great acting by me.

“Sure no! You are not lying? You are happy then?” kill me. That is only left.

“Ya sure! I am happy for you.” Who says I cannot lie.

“It’s OK then. I am relieved. I didn’t want to break hearts. Now disconnect the call as Rohit must be calling anytime soon.” I started hating her.

“Who is Rohit?” I knew the answer but nobody can understand a lover’s heart.

“My would be husband dumbo.” It didn’t sound good to my ears.

“Oh! Ok then. Bye” now I didn’t want further pieces of my heart.

“Oh! I forgot. We will go for shopping tomorrow evening. Come on time.” Her order.

“But I have to go to Amit’s place to prepare for the interview tomorrow evening.” I don’t know why but genuinely I didn’t want to meet the girl I loved so much.

“Again Amit. Stop taking his help. What happened today with his help? Be aware of your real well wishers.” She didn’t like my over reliance on Amit.

She said after my silence, “Ok then. You can go to him after the shopping.” Again an order.

“Ok. But be quick.” I don’t know why still I am surrendering to her.

“Promise. Bye. Take care.” She was in a hurry and disconnected.

I couldn’t walk. I sat on the stairs of a closed shop. Everything seemed to be quiet and still though I was in one of the busiest markets of Delhi. I don’t know for how long I was sitting there. All the incidences with her, her words, her smile, her fights, her orders were coming and going. My love for her was turning into hatred by every passing moment. I wanted to cry. Cry out loud. Suddenly I stood up and started walking, walking very fast as if I was gliding. I felt like running very hard. I was uneasy. I had to control myself. My mother’s face flashed in my mind. I took out my mobile and looked at the screen, it looked blurred. Tears had welled up in my eyes.

“Hello Mama!” I didn’t want to but I was crying.

“What happened my son?” My mother sensed even though I tried hard.

“Nothing. Just I was missing you.” It was getting out of my control.

“You come back my son. No need to do any job. I can’t see you suffering like this.” My mother started crying. Now it was impossible for me to control. I desperately wanted my mother. I wanted to cuddle up in her lap. I also started crying.

“I am coming to you. I am coming to Delhi tomorrow only.” My mother got desperate. I had disturbed her. But I could not say anything.

Suddenly, I heard my sister’s voice on the other end, “What happened brother? Why are you crying? Mother is getting crazy.” Now, I released myself and started crying profusely.

“You are also making me cry. Tell me bro.” My sister had already started crying.

“I am exhausted. I am down and out. I can’t fight anymore. I am a worthless person. I can’t do anything.” My heart was pouring out just like my tears from my eyes.

“Don’t say like this. I consider you as a strong person. Everything happens on its time. You have the capability. We know you are the best and you will be successful one day. Don’t cry otherwise mother will go mad.” She tried her best to soothe me and in fact these words did some magic and I was able to control.

A few more consolations from my sister and I regained my control and asked her to take care of mother and tell her that I am OK.

I felt light and better now. It is true that I have to fight and fight till my last breath.

All these hardships and failures are like water and fertilizer for the growth of the life. The more they are there in the beginning the stronger the tree will be.

I walked normally towards my room and went to sleep and rest to again rise to the new challenge tomorrow.

THE END